According to Fox News, the former SoD (Secretary of Dullness), now SoW (Secretary of Wretchedness), was admitted to a Washington hospital with serious injuries. According to initial reports, Hegseth had tried to clear out his basement with hand grenades and a flamethrower, suspecting a home invasion by overweight generals and woke officers, but had blown off his right arm and half of his skull in the process. However, the attending surgeon was confident that Hegseth – now called »Halfseth« in Pentagon jargon – would not suffer any additional cognitive deficits in the long term.

 

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